I haven’t participated in the daily prompt in a long time, but today’s word bury resonated with me. THe first thing that jumps into my mind dwhen I see this word is it makes me think about burying my feelings. . .
The human mind is amazing when you really think about. It has the capacity to do so much. In fact it does things for us with out us ever consciously thinking about it. Such as breathing or making our heart beat. We don’t think oh hey I need to breathe or yo heart, beat I need more oxygenated blood. . . Thank goodness we don’t control these functions because I’d probably be dead. I forget to breathe as it is. . .
I mentioned something like this before. When my emotions get to be too much or I don’t feel like I’m in a space where I can be emotional I bury them deep inside my brain. It may not be the healthiest way to cope with my emotions, but I almost always unbury them when I’m in a space alone or with someone I can trust. It’s just what I’ve always done.
I’m also really good and big fan of burying the past. There’s a lot that has happened to me over the years. People and friends I thought I knew, but ended up becoming or doing something I never thought they would be capable of. I’ve learned that life is a lot better when you acknowledge these feelings then move on. Harboring whatever feelings doesn’t help the situation or make you feel better. I’m not a big fan of forgive and forget. I think you should forgive in order for you to heal, but you should never forget. I believe that by forgetting you’re bound to make the same mistake.
The way I tend to bury the hatchet with people is I write about them in my journal. It’s been my safe place the past 11 years. I actually just finished a journal last night. Which is always a conflicting feeling for me, because I’m excited a notebook is full, but then I have to go and select another new journal. Which is a process. There’s certain criteria for a notebook to be selected as my new journal. . .Now I’ve gone on a tangent. But having a safe place to write everything my brain is thinking without the chance of hurting someones feeling is actually really thearputic for me.
Actually a guy who I casually dated in Novemeber (We’re actually really good friends now.) I had written how he was a good kisser, but a cocky asshole. I thought this was hilarious. Mostly because it’s true and he knows it. So I snapped a picture and sent it to him, because I knew he’d also get a kick out of it! (The journal isn’t just my petty thoughts on people by the way. It’s also where I hash out life things!)
Back to what I was saying. The human mind is capable of so many things. I don’t associate the word bury with just burying my negative emotions. It also makes me think about the way friendship are made for me. I make friends very easily, however, it takes some time for me to really get to know certain people. Different friends are on different levels of friendship. Some I only hang out and do things with (I guess the basic level), others we talk about deep things and sometimes do things (the moderate level), and then my closest friends are the people who know everything and we always have a good time together. These are the people that I can sit in a room and be comfortable with the silence between us. (The advanced level)
Recently I just started hanging out with a friend that I’ve known for about 3 years now. We met working for the same event company when I was the intern. Our friendship has always been that we work well together, laugh and joke around with each other, and when I’d go away to school we’d stay in contact. These simple conversations were the start of our friendship. Little seeds that were buried and used continued to grow. Through these conversations we learned that we actually have a lot in common. It use to be I’d only hang out with him at work or at one of his band’s shows to show super. Now we go see movies and get drinks together. He use to be this dude who kind of annoyed me at work, but now he’s turned into a close friend and kind of like an older brother figure to me. It’s been great seeing this develop over the last few years. There’s been lots of changes in who I call a friend. So it’s nice to have some consentincy.
I could go on and on, but I think we get the gist.
Have you ever had one of those days where you’ve lost all motivation?
Yeah I had one of those days yesterday and it seems to be looming over into today. I have a lot I need to do, but the motivation to do it has disappeared. I’m hoping with in the next hour I get it back.
Since moving back home my biggest project I have yet to accomplish is cleaning my room. That sounds mundane, but right now my childhood bedroom is borderline hoarders status. I have things in this room from high school all the way through College. Since I didn’t really live at home while I was going to college my childhood bedroom became a dumping ground and storage unit.
Now you all should know this is uncharacteristic about me. I’m normally really neat and organized. In fact I think my room being in this current state might be what is making me break out in hives. (I’m half kidding…I have a lot stressing me out in life that’s causing them.)
I’m currently in this weird state though. My room contains past chapters of my life. So many memories. Some I’ve forgotten. Lots I really don’t want to relive and some that I’m sure will bring a smile to my face. I know I’m not alone in the process. I have other friends who are actually in the same situation as me or have been. I think for me the hard thing about it is timing. I didn’t want to do it in May because I was still decompressing from graduating. I couldn’t do it in June because I physically wasn’t here. Here we are on July 11th contemplating why I haven’t started.
Really what it comes down to is I don’t know where to start. I look into this room and I feel lost. I don’t like to waste things. Especially perfectly good things, but often times my cleaning style is to throw a way things. So I’m in this dilemma. I have things I’ve out grown or no longer need, but I don’t want to throw them a way if someone else can give it another life. Which is where lots of boxes for a yard sale and donations is well overdue. Seriously, I have clothes I haven’t touched in over 5 years in my closet. Along with shoes. I’m known for collecting books. I love to read and I have so many books that no longer fit on a bookshelf I began stacking them under my window. Not to mention all the school stuff I no longer need. . .Then you add in everything I had from living in my apartment. As you can see it’s all a little overwhelming.
I haven’t really gotten the chance to think of a plan of attack in order to tackle this project. I think the other thing holding me back is I don’t like to hold on to things. So sorting through my stuff I’m going to have to really think about if I want to keep something or if I get rid of it will I be mad about it for letting it go. I know this sounds like hoarder-ish tendencies, but it’s not I promise. I prefer to have less. I guess the easiest way to go about this is to think about what I want to keep with me out in apartment and what I’d feel okay with packing into some boxes to go into an attic or storage unit.
I can do this. I know I can. I just need to start somewhere. Maybe once I can get my room in line I’ll feel a sense of order and like I have my shit together. Like I’m taking a step in a direction. Unlike right now where I feel directionless and completely lost.
I like clean. I like open spaces. Right now you can barely move through my room there’s so many containers. (I’d take a picture but it’s slightly embarrassing for me.) At least my stuff in the containers I know are some what organized in a way that makes sense. Like I said all my stuff from when I moved out of my apartment is in my room. I never unpacked. I’ve just gone to the plastic container and found what I was looking for.
Maybe this is part of the problem. . . I still haven’t unpacked my stuff from moving out of my apartment. I think part of me is afraid if I unpack then I won’t leave North Carolina and I don’t want to be stuck in North Carolina. I’ve got to get over that though. As of right now this is where I am.
I’ve been holding back getting another job around here due to my parents wedding in a few weeks. No wants to hire someone who is going to leave for a week. So my plan for after the wedding is to get another job to have some form of a cash flow.
Charlotte also always has a concert or national tour rolling in and out. I plan on contacting the local IATSE crew to get on an overhire list. I don’t want to join the union I just want to make some extra cash. Plus I’m really good at someone telling me to something. All these gigs are unloading or loading a truck, or hanging ligths and such. All skills I have and honestly probably more qualified than half the people who normally are on the overhire list. No offense to any one. I just know of people who have also worked these types of gigs just to see the show for free after and they had no idea what they were doing.
I’ve gain some motavation now from writing this or maybe it was the coffee I drank earlier finally kicking in! Just as I was able to declutter my mind it’s time to declutter my life as well.
Drop a comment below if you’ve ever felt unmotivated and what you do to change it. Or if you too are struggling with sorting through your own clutter.
I haven’t really told the WordPress world this yet, but you should know I’m a total nerd. Yes, you all know that I’m a theatre nerd, but what you don’t know is I love Star Wars! Actually my entire family loves Star Wars. . . Seriously my parents are getting married in 3 weeks and the theme is Star Wars. I came to the realization today that most of the clothing I own has something Star Wars related and I’m okay with that.
This post isn’t about my love of Star Wars. No, It’s about my love for the Marvel universe. Most people know about my obsession about the Norse God Thor. I have always had a love for Thor. He’s my favorite Avenger. I’ve enjoyed an Iron Man movie here and there, but Thor will always be my favorite. I can’t wait until the new one comes out!
I recently just went and saw Spider-Man Homecoming. Honestly I thought it was going to tank like every other Spider Man. That’s mean to say I grew up on the Toby Maguire movies. However, I think Spider-Man Homecoming is the closest to a comic book story and honestly is the best.
Yes, I know there are multiple different Spider-Man series. This one is a personal favorite. I was worried that this wasn’t going to be good. The Amazing Spider-Man I walked out of. I didn’t care for the way Andrew Garfield portrayed him. However, Tom Holland in the Spider-Man. Amazing!
First he started as gymnast. So everything you’re seeing on the screen. All the flips and acrobatics he’s doing. Mad respect for that. The boy trained for like two years for this role and it shows. He can also act, which is quite the treat for us these days. What a true a talent. A performer who can act and perform all his own stunts. Tom Holland as a 15-year-old, sophomore genius was believable. Honestly, the 21-year-old actor (yeah, he’s 21!) makes you believe he’s younger than he really is and not just because he looks it, but because of his vulnerability on the screen.
This Peter Parker I think is more loveable for audiences because he isn’t sad. He’s actually really funny. His brains and never give up attitude makes you want to root for him. In the other Spider Mans Peter Parker is a photographer. Here he’s just a kid who has a brain. You see him create his web. Which is true to these comics.
I was worried when I had read that Tony Stark was going to be his mentor in this movie. I wasn’t really sure how the Iron Man story line and such was going to work. I actually really enjoyed it. There was a nice balance. You see Tony Stark become more like a father figure to Peter Parker. Which is a great development with the Iron Man character and the arch within all the Avenger movies.
Another surprising factor in this movie was Michael Keaton. You don’t normally see him in the light as a criminal/villain however he did a fantastic job. You want to hate his character because he’s the opposing force in this movie. However, he makes you really like his character because of the real-ness. Maybe that’s a kudos to the writers than Michael Keaton. You really understand where his character is coming from and why he’s doing what he’s doing.
I’m really excited to see where the Avengers go from here with the addition of Spider-Man. I can’t wait for Spider-Man movies and see him mature and grow his story line. If you haven’t gotten a chance to see this movie I highly recommend you go and see it. You won’t be disappointed.
Comment below your thoughts on the movie or any of the nerdy topics discussed.