Me Too.

In case you haven’t seen this on your Facebook feed let me clue you in real quick. Warning this might be slightly triggering to some.

#metoo is trending on Facebook right now. It’s women and men posting about their experiences being sexually harassed or assaulted. Most are just the words me too, but some actually go in to detail. It’s a shedding a light on a serious issue in our country and honestly worldwide. Here’s mine below.

Me too.

We teach girls from a young age to be mindful of our surroundings at all times. That if approached we should just ignore it, because responding could lead to an altercation.

I’ve been followed through grocery stores and to a car multiple times with a grown ass man hollering at me the entire time after I’ve told them to clearly “fuck off!” and it wasn’t until a male friend showed up (Who happened to be gay) that this man stopped.

I’ve had places on my body be violated while at concerts and clubs. Simply because a man couldn’t keep his hands to himself.

I’ve been harassed while at work simply because of the fact that I’m a female and “My Mommy blessed with a beautiful body..” To which I’ve had to tell the men I’m working with to stop openly discussing my body within my ear shot and their response being “This is theatre don’t be so sensitive.”

I was told during orientation this past week that if i work night shift at Target to make sure that you leave a building with a buddy at night just in case. . .

I’ve been hollered at on the street, at the gas station, parking lots, and hesitating walking into whatever residence I was staying in at the time because I didn’t want someone to know where I was going. .

I’ve been followed.

I carry a knife and pepper spray on me at all times for my own safety, because I’m known to tell men who think these action are okay to “Fuck off!” and I want to be able to protect myself if it ever escalated.

I had a “Peeping Tom” at my window of my apartment on numerous occasions and when it was brought to the police to report. The gentlemen on the other end of the telephone told “Me there was nothing he could do about it.” I had to beg this person to send a car out and take a description of this person. And when the gentlemen officers showed up they dismissed the fact that I and my roommate were scared. They told us to keep the windows and doors shut at all times, and that until this man makes an entrance into the apartment that there’s nothing they can do.

I could go on and on, because honestly this happens way too often. I really thought about not saying anything and then I realized that because I had that thought is why I needed to.

I know too many women in my life who have been through so much worse. Enough is enough. I refuse to live life afraid or uncomfortable.

 

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The Sunshine Blogger Award

The Rules:

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you.
  2. Answer the 11 questions asked.
  3. Nominate 11 other blogs (5 is going to have to do) and ask 11 new questions for them.
  4. Finally, list the rules and include the Sunshine Blogger Award logo somewhere in the post.

Thank You!

In the Life of Faith nominated me for this award! Thank you so much. You’ve been an inspiration to me lady. You’re beautiful inside and out ( I really like your chest tattoo!). Keep posting about mental health. It’s something a lot of people are afraid to talk about and I appreciate your courage.

Check out her blog here! https://inthelifeoffaithblog.wordpress.com/

Questions:

How are you feeling right now as you settle into answer these questions?

  • Right now in this moment I’m feeling a little sad. Today marks one month of my Dad’s passing. But I must say that there’s been more good days than bad. This just helped my day get a little brighter. 🙂

What type of days do you enjoy? Cloudy, sunny or rainy? Maybe foggy days?

  • My favorite type of days are overcast rainy days. If there’s fog it’s even better! I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the smell of the rain or the idea that it’s a fresh start.

What do you treat yourself too? Whether it’s regularly or on special occasions.

  • Hmm, this ones a hard one for me. . .I guess if it’s regularly it would be a good craft beer. North Carolina is home to a looooot of breweries and I work in a tap house every once in a while.

If I told you yellow is the color of happiness would you apply more yellow in your life? Why or why not?

  • I personally think of yellow as a happy color, but because of color theory and psychology I actually know that the color yellow agitates people. However, that being said my parents living room is painted two different tones of yellow. So to answer your question, yes.

What’s your favorite (or go to) hairstyle?

  • My go to hairstyle is the half up half down bun, or I twist my hair up and clip it. I hate having hair in my face, but I know I look better with it down. The struggle is real. I’d cut it all off back to a pixie, but the guy I’m dating likes it the length is mostly because he’s starting to bald. This actually an ongoing joke between us.

Do you contribute to your community? What is it that you do? if you don’t what would you like to do?

  • I’d say I contribute my community. The event company I work for does a lot to bring arts to our community. Which is something that’s important to me. Our 2nd Friday art festivals were a big hit this summer. Even though I barely get paid and it’s hot as balls it’s totally worth it. We also started kindness rocks which have brought me a lot happiness. 🙂

What is something you’ve been wanting to do but have been putting off? (Stolen!)

  • Getting my life together. . .No, seriously I just reorganized my closet and I’m going through all my belongs to see what needs to be trashed, donated, or can be sold. It’s been a huge project.

If we reverted back to the days of no cell phones, do you think you would survive?

  • I like to think I’d be able to function without a cell phone and I’d probably love it because I like to unplug. But I have feeling it’s get old after a while and I’d want it back.

What are some goals you have planned for 2018?

  • Actually just wrote down some goals for 2018! By my 23rd Birthday (March) I’d like to be celebrating it in New York City and end up sleeping in my new home there. I’m making some big moves come 2018. I’m scared and excited all at once!

What is something you are proud of?

  • Something I’m really proud of. . .My degree. I’m really glad that I was able to achieve something and I worked my ass off. Now if I could just get a job. . .

What advice would you give to someone in need? To someone that is struggling?

  • Considering I feel like I’m struggling all the time the first thing I’d probably say is take a moment a take a deep breath, unclench your jaw, and try to release any other tension in your body. Then I’d say that whatever your feeling is valid. That we’re all humans and life can be really hard. And if you need to be a burrito of sadness and watch Disney movies then you do that, but remember to dust yourself off and get back again! You’re stronger than you think, prettier than you think, and doing way better than you think!.

Nominees

@lexiejungling

@pearlnecklacering sunshine-blogger-award

Las Vegas Strong

I’m completely devastated by the events that took place last night. Waking up this morning I did not expect to see 30 plus people marking themselves safe on Facebook in the “Violent Incident in Vegas”.  I was utterly confused.

I walked down stairs to where my mother was streaming the news and I was in complete shock. I started crying as my heart was breaking and my were glued to what was happening on TV screen. I couldn’t look away.

Then I snapped back to reality. For those of you who don’t know I spent this time last year in Las Vegas working for Cirque du Soleil’s Beatles LOVE as their Stage Management intern. I was living with some of my best friends while I was there and while working at this show I became part of the LOVE family. I still talk to a lot of the performers in this show on social media.

So I instantly went in to panic mood as I had no idea if my loves ones were safe. My best friends were at the Route 91 Saturday. I was receiving SnapChats from them all night. I had no idea if they were there last night. Not to mention the amount of people I know who were working this concert as a local or in the surrounding hotels at other shows. I mean Vegas is one of the entertainment capitals of the world.

I took a deep breath and texted my friends. I went to the interviews I had planned this morning and remained calm. I knew that my friends were probably up all night or their phones were dead. One by one I saw on Facebook friends checking in and posting that they were home safe. It’s amazing how social media is being used as a tool to communicating in these situations.

I finally received the text message from my friends. They were home safe and hadn’t gone last night. Which I was grateful for. I was planning a trip to Vegas but I wasn’t planning on it being this month and being because of something so terrible.

Las Vegas for me is a place I called home. I fell in love with it while I was there and left a piece of my heart there when I left. I’ve been saying for months that I’ll probably move back there eventually because that’s how much I loved this city.

Once again a tragedy has struck something in the entertainment industry. Theatre, concerts, and musical festivals are suppose to be places for people to escape reality and somehow bad people keep ruining it for everyone. They keep taking people’s safe places from them. And we keep letting them . . . As an entertainment professional the first thin i do whenever I’m in a venue is asses where all my exits are and what I would do in certain emergency. Why as a Stage Manager in our emergency protocol do we include “In Case of an Active Shooter”. What has our world come to?

As I was still feeling helpless and heartbroken at noon today I decided to do something about it. My best friend told me how after work today she was going to bring water, Gatorade, snacks, and other supplies over to one of the blood donation centers to give out to everyone waiting to donate. So I sent her $15 to help cover some of it.

Then I made an appointment with my local American Red cross center and so did my Mom. I had posted about in on Facebook and another friend made their appointment to donate tomorrow. I also shared the link to the American Redcross where you could donate money instead if you couldn’t give blood. I raised $30. Which isn’t a lot, but a donation is a donation.

I was tired of people being so quick to politicize this. 58 people died and 527+ were injured. The numbers keep climbing. This truly is a massacre and one of the deadliest shootings America has ever seen. But right now we all need to lay down our political opinions and love our neighbor. Stop trying to blame a political party, the President, or legislation. Instead do something that will actually make a change.

If you can go make a difference. In the days to come the American Red Cross will need your blood donations if able. One donation saves about 3 lives.

It’s been amazing to see people of every religion, race, political party come together to support this crisis. We are all human and we all bleed red. Show some compassion for your fellow-man in the next few days. . .

My heart is with Vegas.

 

Happy National Coffee Day

Dear Coffee,

You’re nectar of the Gods for us mere mortals everywhere. I thank you for your magical abilities to make my mornings better. I shouldn’t really even say just mornings… Mornings, afternoons, after dinner, or to pull an all nighter. Your dark brown liquid is there and mighty tasty I might add.

You’ve been there for me always. Whenever I needed you you’re just a short brew away. The earthy aroma that your beans give off is one of the best smells in the whole wide world.

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Your caffeine has powered me through some of the hardest moments when I’ve only slept for an hour. My favorite part of the day is my first cup of the day. Outside, on my porch, with the birds chirping, and a gentle breeze. I cherish this time we have together. You’re always there for me whenever I need you. So thank you!

There’s so many different ways to enjoy you as well. Hot, cold, frozen, blended, espresso, French pressed, Turkish, and the list goes on and on. You are loved world wide. You’re always my go to when I’m meeting someone new.

You can turn an entire day around too! Days I go without you I feel like a part of me is missing. Sorry to the tea lovers out there, but you’ll always come first in my book!

Here’s to coffee and all the people who love you. May you enjoy it however which way you like it. Black, cream and sugar, milk, a latte, whatever!

Love,

Bre-nana

My Body, My Mind, My Temple.

Today I made a decision. I’m taking back my life, my mental health, and my body.

I generally live a healthy life, or at lest I try to. However, the last few years while in school I let some things slip. I stopped running and exercising, I didn’t exactly eat the healthiest (Mountain Dew and Pizza. . .), and I barely slept. This wasn’t by choice though. It was how I decided to survive school. I realized soon after freshman year that eating pizza and drinking Mountain Dew everyday isn’t exactly sustainable. I slowly made the conscious switch to eat more fruits and vegetables. Even if it was just in a smoothie. However, the sleep and exercise thing remained lacking.

It’s not that I didn’t want to (I mean I didn’t. . .) It was mostly because I was exhausted from running on 4 or 5 hours of sleep consistently and let’s be honest here, partying to blow off steam on the weekends. I remained pretty active though as my job/concentration requires me to constantly be moving. I frequently do yoga and stretching as stress relief and away to relax.

Now that I’m home though I realized that I have such an open schedule and the way I used to live my life I’ve out grown. Which isn’t a bad thing because it was obviously not the healthiest.

Today I went for a run during the hottest part of the day. (In hindsight that wasn’t my brightest moment. .) but for the first time in about 4 years. When I was in High School I used to run all the time as a way to clear my head relieve some stress.

Well, I’m defiantly not 18 anymore or anywhere near in shape as I was when I was 18. My neighborhood has a trail that’s by a lake. It’s a beautiful view and really peaceful. I go out there to think sometimes. I prefer running on this trail because the ground is softer and doesn’t hurt my shins or knees as much from the impact. (I have shin splints and family history of terrible knees that I was lucky enough inherit.)

I found an awesome playlist on Spotify. It’s called Energizing Classics under their workout section. I must say it was exactly what I needed. When I want to stop “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey came on and gave me the extra boost I needed. Sure, it’s a little cliché, but I defiantly felt like Rocky when running to “Eye of the Tiger”.

I’ve realized I’ve been in a bit of slump lately. With life not really going how I wanted to and my Dad passing on top of it. I knew it was time for me to make a change. I think the best way to do it is to start small. This is something I can do.

Honestly, I enjoyed it. I like the feeling of dripping with sweat and focusing to gain my breath back after running super hard. I like the feeling of air inflating my lungs and exhaling. With my heart beating so fast I could hear it in my ears. It was a great reminder that I’m alive and I’m here. I like the feeling of pushing myself just a little further and that being the only thing on mind. I may have only lasted short stents and then needed to walk, but I was moving. Plus, I have goals to work towards and reach. Which is always a great feeling.

I’m not running to lose weight or tone up. Although, those things I wouldn’t hate. I’m running for me. To regain some control in my life and to feel good. Runners high is a real think. I felt it after my run today! I was just in a great mood. Exercising releases endorphins which make you feel good and it’s no joke. I feel amazing!

Along with running I found a yoga and meditation studio close to home. They have a beginners meditation class that I’m looking forwarded to attending. I used to mediate all the time and everyday, but I fell out of it and I think going to a guided meditation will help me spark it again. I’m not religious, but this is how I used to be spiritual and lately I could use some spiritual healing.

It’s a long process to feeling better and healing. I know and understand this. I think I’m going to give this a shot.

Here’s to saying hello to new healthy habits and good bye to the old.

Dating As a Millennial

Dating as a 20 something is ridiculous!

I don’t know if it’s because I’m an old soul or what it is, but being 22 in 2017 kind of sucks. Or it’s just me.

I like old-time eras and customs. I like the idea of courtship and dating, but for some reason a large part of my generation doesn’t understand that.

I’m part of the Netflix and Chill era. When I really want to be part of the era with group dances and cute dates. Someone take me on a picnic or on an adventure without the automatic assumption then we’re going to have sex after. . . Like when did we as a society get so comfortable with idea of super casual sex? (I mean you do you! I don’t judge.)

I mean don’t get me wrong…I’m not exactly a prude. I’ve had my fair shares of Netflix and Chill hookups. Some times they’re needed. But I kinda of feel like there’s a time and place for that. Like in college with a friend whose chill. At least in my experience.

What’s really weird is I don’t really want a serious relationship. I just got out of one 3 months ago. And yes 3 months should be enough time to get over it, but it hasn’t. I still care about him very much. I’m also in a weird place emotionally right now.

Honestly,  I have no idea where I’m going. I’ve kind of been flying by seat of my pants lately. . I’ve realized that tomorrow isn’t necessarily promised and I should be living each day to its fullest. I kind of feel like it’s unfair to drag someone into all of that. This being said I’m actually pretty lonely. Which comes the Tinder.

Yes, I admit to Tindering. (If that’s a verb?)

But I refuse to be just a Tinder fuck. Tinder fuck for those of you who don’t know are when you match with someone for the sole purpose of getting it on. Again, if that’s your main purpose then like good for you! But don’t get mad at me when that’s not mine…

I make it really clear when I get messaged and right away it’s a little raunchy that I’m not looking for something like that. Some dudes get mad to which I remove them. Others are like oh sure let try to be like a real person. Either way I originally downloaded the app because I was bored and drunk.

To be honest I only use it when I’m not sober. Using it I’ve realized that I’m really judgemental. For example if you don’t have a job or you’re not in school I swipe left. If you’re in a community college or a vocational school, chances are I’m swiping left. If you have nothing on your bio, I’m swiping left. If all your pictures are group shots and I have to guess who you are, I’m swiping left.

It’s weird I’m this judgmental because I’m pretty sure my bio says something like “Feed me tacos and tell me I’m beautiful.” That’s because I had a real bio with interests and was talking to people who didn’t really have the same interests as me they’re just good with the google. . .Anyway, I can’t really be too judgmental because I’m a fresh college graduate, who still lives at home with her parents, barley can drive her car, and is pretty much unemployed. So who am I to judge.

I’m not completely shiting on the app though. Like I said I started originally because I was bored and lonely. Through I’ve met some interesting people to say the least, but I’ve also met some special people as well.

Like the guy I’m currently dating. We’ve been talking since July and started going on dates the last week of August. Pretty much try to see each other at least once a week since. So for the last 5 weeks we’ve been hanging out and every time we do I have a good time.

Yesterday, we went and got lunch. We were sitting at our table going back and forth like we normally do and he was playing with my hands. I guess from an outsiders perspective we looked like a couple, because our waitress left us the sweetest note on the receipt. We then spent the afternoon swing in a hammock at the park looking at the lake and laughing. It was a great afternoon!

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The thing is I really like this guy and enjoy spending time with him. As does he with me. But we’ve both decided for the time being to continue to get to know each other and  go on these cute little dates. I think it’s cool that he respects my space and understands that I could leave at any moment to go pursue my dreams. Reasons why he calls me a “flighty agressive hipster”. . .

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I’m happy to finally be with someone that’s cool with taking things slow and seeing where they’ll go. My last relationship was great, but it felt very rushed. We both jumped into something. This is a nice pace.

I’m excited to see where this goes.

For me Tinder has worked to connect, find some new friends, and possibly a new relationship. I guess you have to know what you’re looking for and not be afraid to put yourself out there. But also don’t be afraid to stay true to who you are.

Some tips and over all advice like all internet dating apps and such use judgement and be safe. Never agree to meeting someone alone.  Make sure you tell someone where you’re going to be. Meet someone in a public space like a bar or coffeehouse. For me I only agreed to meet this guy after we’d been talking for a while and I was able to look him up to see if he’d ever been arrested. You’d be amazed what you can find in public records. Overall just be safe and use your instincts.

 

America, Wake Up!

I’m not one to get overly political. I actually for a while kept a strict don’t talk about taboo things rule. As in I used to avoid conversations topics on politics, sexuality, and religion. But as I’ve grown up and opened my eyes and ears to whats happening in our country and world-wide I’ve changed my own personal rule. It’s time to start talking. Even though no one can talk to each other with different opinions on things without someone getting offended, but I digress.

Let me start this off by saying I don’t care what side of the political battle field you fall on. I don’t care if you voted for Trump or Hilary. To me it really doesn’t matter. We’re all human and honestly our choices for who was to lead the free world next was complete horse shit!

But for those of you who must know where I fall on this spectrum I am neither a Republican nor a Democrat. I think we should have listened to George Washington’s advice when he warned our founding fathers to stay a way from party system . . . just saying look at all the good it’s done for us.

I identify more often than not as a Libertarian or a Moderate. As do quite honestly the majority of Americans. If you look at statistics (and I’m sorry I’m too lazy to import so evidence. I can later if anyone is actually interested in this…) the majority of America is split down the middle when it comes to the important topics and solutions.

For me personally there are parts of the Republican agenda that I can get behind and understand why they want to go about certain things. . . although these days it’s a bit of stretch. Same thing on the Democrats side, most of the time I’m all about their agenda and doing good for the people and then someone ruins it for me by getting overly righteous or honestly just not realistic on what is actually doable.

But the main reason I’m writing this piece is because of Sunday’s big media coverage and what everyone on social media can’t seem to stop talking about football. This arts loving theatre nerd loves her some football. I love watching the game and any game at that. (I do have favorite teams, but we’ll talk about that another time. . .)

I just want to point out that the majority of the country right are mindless sheep following the heard of trending media stories instead of paying attention to what is actually happening. WAKE UP AMERICA!!! We have bigger things going on than whether or not our athletes stand during the national anthem.

A brief summary of what happened, because I don’t think for the most part people understand how or why this even started. This all started last year when Colin Kaepernick took a knee during the anthem to make a statement against police brutality against black Americans and since has created an out rage all year-long.

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I don’t follow the NBA, because I just never could get into to basketball, but apparently it’s customary that the American Championship teams go and visit the White House which the Warriors are and Stephen Curry is apart of. Well he said in a press conference last Friday that he would vote no when it came to deciding to go and hoped that the rest of his team would too. This shouldn’t come as any shock as Stephen Curry is in the media quite a lot when it comes to his voice for speaking against President Trump and his platform.

I see nothing wrong with a team politely declining to go to the White House and see a man that they disagree with on all levels. It’s their right to have that option, because hello America. It made a statement. President Trump didn’t like this though and retaliated the best way he knows how through the use of Twitter…

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I’ve said it before and I’ll  say it again someone really needs to take this man’s Twitter account away. CNN posted yesterday morning about how North Korea claims that President Trump has declared war on them through Twitter by posting “North Korea won’t be around much longer..” We’re going to end up in a war with North Korea over a tweet… What has this world come to?

Anyway this tweet at Stephen Curry created a spark within the NFL and this past Sunday. Multiple teams, players, coaches, and owners knelt arm and arm on the field or in locker rooms in protest. Is it disrespectful? Yes, it absolutely. However, this is America and soldiers have fought for our right to protest and freedom of speech. So if these milionare atheletes want to sit during the anthem in protest they can, because this is America. . .

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It’s a peaceful protest and honestly it did it’s job, because it got America’s attention. Although here’s where I say who gives a fuck?! While all of America is arguing whether their should be reprecussions on these individuals actions. (Which sounds kind of communist I might add.)

We’re missing the bigger picture here. Like what has the Senate decided is going to happen with healthcare? DACA? The pending was with North Korea/ the fact that they have missels pointed at us at all times. . That there’s still an on going investigation if Russia bought ads on social media platforms supporting Trump. (I don’t really care about this last one.. but it’s something current) Or what about the fact that our sister country Puerto Rico is pretty much flat and people are still struggling with the damage from Harvey.

All of these things are happening and all anyone can talk about is how un-american it is to kneel during the national anthem. .

I’d just like to point out that we as America disrespect our own flag all the time. Technically according to

http://www.military.com/flag-day/flag-ettiquette-dos-and-donts.html

We break over half these rules. I know my own parents do. We currently have an American flag that flies day and night. At night it’s defiently not properly lit. The flag shouldn’t be worn on clothing or made into paper goods. Yet, we do that on 4th of July. The flag shouldn’t be stretched out accross the field the way we see it done at so many sporting events. It should technically be flying. I could go on. . .

All I’m saying is we need to do better. We as a country need to see past all the media bullshit and find the truths. Stop letting media coverage control what is our news. I’m tired of it. When I have to go to the BBC to hear an unbias news report about what’s happenign in my own country. . That’s a little ridiculous. We have bigger matters at the moment. Plus, the majority people complaining about this disrespect during the national anthem are missing the point of the protest. . .Which is also a problem. At least these players aren’t buring the flag. (Go back in your history books and read that one.)

I’m sure I’m going to get some backlash on this piece. Comment and say what you want. I don’t have a “side” other than what I think is right and honestly I like to hear from people who view things differently than myself. Please, all I ask is you keep things respectful.

As always have a great day!

 

 

A Letter to My Best Friend.

Dear Best Friend,

Words cannot express how proud of you I am! We used to talk endlessly about our dreams of touring the world doing what we love. Here you are conquering the world with out me. (At least for this moment in time.)

It being September and not going back to school has been a real eye opener about how much I miss you. Plus, with everything that just happened with my Dad passing I craved one of your famous hugs that always seem to make everything instantly better. I miss sitting with you smoking a bowl, drinking whiskey, and shooting the shit. I miss laughing at the dumbest things! I miss watching Star Wars for the one millionth time. I miss CookOut and Waffle House adventures. I even miss you dragging me to the mall to go shopping, because you “need” a new pair of shoes.

Over the last four years we’ve practically lived with each other without actually living with each other. You’ve seen me break down, have my heart smashed, fall down and get back up again, and give up. You’ve seen me in my lowest moments and my highest moments. Yet you’ve loved me unconditionally through them all. You’ve been there for me even when you didn’t want to be and I know you’ve had countless fights over me with ex girlfriends! You still had my back in those moments. Which is why it’s been hard to believe that I can’t go 5 minutes down the street, walk into your house, and see you when I need you.

But I think what I miss the most is learning from you. Over the years you’ve taught me so much and I don’t think either of us have even realized it. You’ve taught me that I’m stronger than I ever even knew. That I have talents and I should learned use them to my advantage. You’ve taught me how tie knots and waaaay basic rigging. That has sparked an interest me. You inspire me with your passion and work ethic. You’ve always been an inspiration to me honestly even if you get under my skin with how you go about things. But I even miss the things about you that would drive me up the wall!

I’m struggling right now with not having you around as my go to. I’m mad at myself that I’m not touring with you. I feel really dumb that I missed out on an amazing opportunity. But a las I guess that’s another one of your lessons. And I’ll see you in November. I’m actually really excited.

Thank you for showing unconditonal love and support over the last few years. I love you to the moon and back! I can’t wait to hear in full detail all of your stories from the road.

Love,

Bre-nana

 

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